i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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