They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
