I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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