Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
