I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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