I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
