im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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