Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
