Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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