so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
