There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
