I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
OPIZZABONMYDICK
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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