I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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