I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
