You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
