He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
