why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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