Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
