Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
