you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol