i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dear god my vagina.
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