In the future we'll all be gay
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
