I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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