I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
