Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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