im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
