I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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