Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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