You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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