Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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