Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
