my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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