Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
