The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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