I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
