Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
