Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
