this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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