that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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