he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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