If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
