its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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