is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
