I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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