Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
