I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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