The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT