Whod you bang
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...