I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.