Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?