her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes