I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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