Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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