well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
