I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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