I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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