he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize