i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
