theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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