using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize