she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
