Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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