You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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