Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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