The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I came so hard my ears popped.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
