Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
