Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
